10X Business Letter
San Diego, Ca
Breezy, Grey 65 Degrees
Dear 10X Business Builder,
Today, we continue with the 6th video in the series “Speak with Confidence”.
Fear of Rejection is one of the major reasons why professionals:
- Don’t prospect
- Hate prospecting
- Avoid public speaking
- Avoid presenting for high-status professionals
- Don’t close strong
- Don’t get what they want in life and in business
- Don’t record videos
- Don’t communicate their message to masses
- Always come up with excuses that they are “so busy” to become the leader in the field
Most people are not even aware that Fear of Rejection is what stopping them from achieving their goals and dreams…
During a period in my career, I allowed the Fear of Rejection to impact negatively my speaking and selling career (I discuss that in detail in this video)…
After a lot of struggle, I developed this strategy that was a GAME-CHANGER for me and it allowed me to NEVER feel like I am being rejected again…(I know this is a HUGE claim)…
It is almost insane to think that this quick strategy has the power to change your relationship with fear FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, but I did for me…
I believe this is one of the MOST IMPORTANT videos you will watch…
Take notes and apply this strategy in your life today
The 10X Business Letter
Welcome back to our Speak with Confidence series. This is Roberto Monaco with InflueneOlogy. In this video series, you’re going to discover how to speak with amazing, unstoppable, unshakable confidence, in front of one person, ten people, a thousand people. Really it doesn’t matter the size of the audience. Just in case you have missed the first videos in the series, I have included a link for you in the end of this video.
Today, you and I will be discussing the fear of rejection. Now, you’re saying, “Roberto, I have no fear of rejection. Thank you.” Before you say that, let me tell you that in my experience I see two types of ‘fear of rejection’. One of them is that when people are very aware of the fear of rejection, they go, “Roberto, I don’t want to go there because I’m afraid of being rejected.” Some people will say, “Roberto, I have no fear of rejection.” They don’t know that fear of rejection is causing them to adopt limiting behaviors, which was my case. I’ll share with you today in this video.
Long time ago, 11 years ago, when I started my career as a professional speaker, my job was to do talks and sell seminars, I was selling tickets for events. I remember one of my first meetings that I did, was for a real estate office in Newport Beach, California. I remember going to this beach, maybe 45 agents, and I spoke for 45 minutes and I passed these forms, for people to register for this event and nobody registered. I got these forms and I look at people and people look at me and I’m like, “That’s weird.” You know the feeling when you’re rejected, you’re kind of frustrated, you don’t understand, you’re angry. There’s all these emotions, disappointment and I’m like, “This is not fun.” That happens a couple more times.
Eventually, because I was doing around 400 presentations a year, I overcame that ‘fear of rejection’ consciously. If you’d asked me 11 years ago, “Roberto, do you experience fear of rejection?” I’d say, “No, no problem.” Because I was doing all these talks. Unconsciously, I learned later on, that these fears, specifically fear of rejection, was causing me to adopt some limiting behaviors in my career as an influential presenter. Specifically, I adopted three behaviors.
Number one, I started slowly lowering my expectations. Why? Because if you expect, for example, there’s a hundred people in the room, you want to say in a room of hundred people, that’s hard to do, right? Every single time, instead of being rejected, I go like, “Well, it’s not like everybody is going to sign up for this thing anyway.” I actually start lowering my expectations, because I don’t want to be rejected, unconsciously.
The second limiting behavior that I adopted unconsciously, I didn’t prepare as much. I wasn’t working on myself as hard as I should be working on myself, because unconsciously why would I spend all these time training and rehearsing and trying to improve, if I go there and get rejected? Wasting my time.
The third thing that happened to me, is that, when I was in front of people, I was doing maybe 90%, maybe 95%, not 100%. Why, because if you’re fully 100% emotionally committed to your clients, the presentation, and they say no, hurts, right. The contrast is bigger. Therefore I was like maybe unconsciously obviously, I wasn’t thinking about the stuff but I wasn’t giving 100%. Imagine I’m going to these talks, I lower my expectations, number one. Number two, I wasn’t preparing as I should have been preparing, I wasn’t working on myself. Number three, I wasn’t giving 100%, maybe 90%, maybe 95%. No 100% happens, my results decline, now I’m being even more hurt rejected.
Unconsciously, I adopted these behaviors to ‘protect myself’ but it ended up costing even more, because now, more people are saying no to me, made no sense. I would start comparing my results with other people and I’m like, “Men there are people doing the same thing I’m doing, they’re better and obviously some people are rejecting them, but they don’t fear rejected. There was a huge breakthrough because I started studying fear of rejection, my fears. I started questioning, “Okay, what caused me to fear rejected?” What happens is that, when I personally present an idea, a service, a product, there’s two parts, one people say no to you, they’re rejecting the offer. The second part is, I feel a certain way. I cannot control what the client’s going to do, but I can control how I feel.
I started asking this question, “What has to happen for me to ‘feel’ rejected.” There’s a rule or belief there. Let me ask you this, what has to happen for you to feel rejected? I started to ask these questions why I feel rejected when people don’t buy from me? Then I’m like, “That’s not true.” Because, I’ve done presentations for example, where there were ten people, I sign up nine people, so super happy. Just because one person’s ‘rejected’ me, I wasn’t feeling anything. I’m like, “Dude, I’m happy because nine people said yes to me.” I said, “No, that rule is not valid.”
I asked myself, “What has to happen for me to feel rejected when I’m speaking?” Then another rule what if people don’t hear my idea. That was not true too, because again, there were presentations where half the room said, “Roberto, we agree with your idea.” Half the room said, “We don’t agree.” I was still happy. I was creating these rules, that unconsciously they were making me feel rejected even though I don’t agree with them.
This is a really important breakthrough for me here, I hope it’s a breakthrough for you today. If I created these rules that unconsciously they’re causing me to ‘feel’ rejected, is it possible then to create rules, so that when I present my offer, my product, my service, regardless of the outcome, I’ll never feel rejected again? Ultimately, let me ask you this, who controls your rules? Yourself. Who controls my rules about being rejected? I do. If I have these rules that I feel rejected when some people don’t buy from me, can I have a different rule? The answer is what? Of course yes.
Then I came up with this really crazy idea. I may come up with a rule that’s going to be virtually impossible to feel rejected, and here is my rule. I only feel rejected, when 8 billion people at the same time, say no to me. Then, only then, I’ll feel rejected. I know it’s kind of crazy, but that’s my rule, you create your own rule. Think about it. Now I go, I speak to these 40 people, let’s say 10 people say yes and 30 say no, my rule is, “Hey, I only feel rejected, I feel disempowered when 8 billion people at the same time look at me and say, “Roberto, no.” Then, only then I feel rejected. Only 30 people said no, therefore I don’t feel rejected right now. Think about that.
It doesn’t mean that I’m going to lower for presentation, it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to improve on my closing ration, for example. Obviously these should be a striving to become better enforcers, communicators, presenters, all the time. Feeling ‘rejected’ so that you start lowering your standards, start working yourself less, and not give 100%, that’s not good. I had this belief change, this rule change and that rule changed my career forever. How about you? What has to happen for you to feel rejected? What is your new rule? That after watching this video you’re going to adopt so that when you do presentations in front one client, 10 people, a hundred people, a thousand people, you never ever feel rejected again? It’s super powerful. Ultimately guys, who controls the rule? Who controls your own rule about what has to happen for you to feel rejected? Nobody but yourself.
I hope you enjoyed this video here, and I’ll talk to you soon. By the way, if you want to learn more about how to use presentations, videos, webinars, to concur your marketplace, just go to www.influencingfromthefront.com. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, bye.
Wait, wait. Hey you, yeah, you subscribe to our YouTube channel, otherwise I will bite you. By the way, I have no fear of public speaking. Subscribe.
Speak with Confidence Series
- [Video Series] Speak with Confidence – Part 1
- [Video Series] Speak With Confidence – Part 2
- [Video Series] Speak With Confidence – Part 3
- [Video Series] Speak with Confidence – Part 4
- [Video Series] Speak with Confidence – Part 5
- [Video Series] Speak With Confidence – Part 6
- [Video Series] Speak With Confidence – Part 7
- [Video Series] Speak With Confidence – Part 8